Tied Up in Knots? The Minimalist’s Guide to Inner Peace

http://zenhabits.net/peace/


‘Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.’ ~Victor Frankl

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Gail Brenner, Ph.D. of A Flourishing Life.

Are you ready to be a warrior for inner peace? Doing less and organizing more simplifies for sure. But until you deal with the ways you get knotted up inside, your life will be complicated, and the glory of inner peace will elude you.
Inner peace is revealed when the inner war ends. We stop looking outside ourselves for solutions to our problems and, instead, turn our attention inward to make peace with our own experience. This simple movement of attention is revolutionary. It heals, calms, and clarifies like nothing else.

From Darkness to Light
We are experts at denying our experience. Take any habit that doesn’t serve you – compulsively shopping or staying busy, self-judgment, jealousy. If you trace it back to its root, you will find an expectation or feeling you have been avoiding.
These hidden aspects of ourselves thrive when we ignore them, leaving fear, desire, and lack to unconsciously drive our behavior. Once they are illuminated by becoming aware, we see how they operate, and we can make a different choice. No more conflict. No more confusion. Finally, peace.
Unearthing our inner experiences is like treasure hunting. Each one is a breadcrumb leading us out of the wilderness of discontent and into the light of a simple, conscious, lovely way of being. Suffering ends and freedom begins, leaving us available to happiness, wonder, enjoyment, and creativity.

The How-To
Exploring your triggers takes courage and openness. Prepare yourself for the journey by being willing:
To be honest
To feel pain but not wallow in it
To let go of the old and change
To contemplate a new kind of inner life not beset by distress and disturbance
To be happy and peaceful

Now, begin to explore. Showing up as a loving presence to yourself is one of the most sane and compassionate things you could ever do.

1. When you are triggered, rather than playing it out in the usual way, stop and breathe.

2. Simply notice the thought patterns, feelings, and bodily sensations that are present. Don’t freak out – just be curious. What are you thinking? What is the energy behind the thoughts? What feelings and physical sensations are present? These questions allow you to become familiar with how your habits work so they no longer control you.

3. Find the most loving place inside you – the soft spot that melts when you encounter puppies, babies, or those most dear to you. Pour this love into the tension and painful feelings. This is the healing balm that untangles the knot.

4. Rinse and repeat every time you are struggling.

5. Move forward in a way that supports your clarity, happiness, and well being.

Example #1: Holding a Grudge
Say that you have been carrying around a grudge for a decade or two. To keep this grudge alive, you must be telling yourself a story about what should and shouldn’t have happened. You feel churned up inside, and your reaction is activated every time you face a person or situation that triggers the memories. This is no way to live.
Your thoughts about what happened are keeping you stuck. Release yourself by letting go of the story and feeling right into the pain. Break it down into its elements – thoughts and physical sensations. This is the experience that’s been plaguing you all along. Love those tender feelings, then go forth with fresh eyes.
This process doesn’t condone what happened, and it has nothing to do with the other person. It’s a choice you make for your peace and happiness.

Example #2: Relationship Problems
How many of us blame the other person for struggles in our relationships? We get caught in the trap of “if only” – if only the other would change, then I will feel more peaceful. This mindset will never solve the problem because you are making your peace dependent on something you can’t control – what other people say and do.
If your relationships bring you stress, make peace with your own reactions. Turn your attention inward to lovingly meet the frustration, disappointment, or fear that is triggered in you. Even though you may not like what you realize, when you accept things as they are, you are at peace. And seeing your role in the problem unlocks the possibility of experimenting with new and compassionate solutions.

Example #3: Habits and Addictions
Maybe you engage in a compulsive pattern that involves your actions, thoughts, or feelings. All challenging habits mask an unexplored emotion, usually fear or sadness.
Do you want to bring ease to your inner world? Stop, breathe, and move your kind attention into the feeling you’ve been avoiding. Love it every time it arises. Then follow Leo’s advice on changing habits, and you are well on your way to freeing yourself.
Can you see the value of becoming aware? Any inner knot can be untangled when you pay attention to it. Start with whatever is troubling you right now, and know that every moment of awareness simplifies.
The process of becoming aware is not a panacea that instantly cures all your ills. But you will notice some changes – space, ease, and, a depth of peace you never knew was possible.

Gail Brenner, Ph.D. is a psychologist who blogs at A Flourishing Life. Stay in touch by subscribing to her feed.

Fireworks3

Today, while having "long vacation" recuperating from chicken pox, did some re-organising, re-decorating, cleaned the altar and prayed at the altar.

After that I saw some marvellous fireworks. Saddhu to me again!
It was timely, as the past few days, I've been feeling "guilty" that this house belongs to mom and that I don't "deserve" it. But reflecting on the principles of Buddhism, can the house belong to you? You cannot bring it with you when you die. Your kamma is your real inheritance. SOMETHING YOU DID GIVE YOUR MOM.

Reflecting on the fireworks again. It's like re-phrasing Ajahn Brahm's concert analogy.
A person's life is like fireworks, some fireworks are long, some are short. Some are really magnificent, some less grand, but in any case, beautiful nevertheless. Just like there are different stages and patterns in a fireworks, same also in a person's life. You live in the moment, you don't dwell on the preceding fireworks but you are present and enjoying the current one. At the end of the fireworks, you clap and celebrate that you had the opportunity to see it, not lament that it's over.

Fireworks2

After Tom's funeral, I saw fireworks again. It's like a sign saying to me, a job well done. Saddhu!

Smile, breathe, and go slowly

Life can be ridiculously complicated, if you let it. I suggest we simplify.
Thich Nhat Hanh’s quote, which I’ve stolen as this site’s subtitle, is the shortest guide to life you’ll ever need:
“Smile, breath, and go slowly.”
If you live your life by those five words, you’ll do pretty well. For those who need a little more guidance, I’ve distilled the lessons I’ve learned (so far) into a few guidelines, or reminders, really.
And as always, these rules are meant to be broken. Life wouldn’t be any fun if they weren’t.

the brief guide
less TV, more reading
less shopping, more outdoors
less clutter, more space
less rush, more slowness
less consuming, more creating
less junk, more real food
less busywork, more impact
less driving, more walking
less noise, more solitude
less focus on the future, more on the present
less work, more play
less worry, more smiles
breathe

10 Secrets for Instant Self Confidence

1. Smile
You don’t just smile because you are happy and confident – you can smile to make yourself feel better. The act of smiling is so strongly associated with positive feelings that it’s almost impossible to feel bad while smiling.

2. Make eye contact
Like smiling, eye contact shows people that you’re confident. Staring at your shoes or at the table reinforces your feelings of self-doubt and shyness.

3. Change your inner voice
Most of us have a critical inner voice that tells us we’re stupid, not good enough, that we’re too fat, thin, loud, quiet… Being able to change that inner voice is key to feeling self-confident on the inside, which will help you project your confidence to the world. Make your inner voice a supportive friend who knows you fully but also recognizes your talents and gifts, and wants you to make the best of yourself.
You still want to be able to hear the message, so don’t make it so chilled and laid back that you never take any notice of it. You can even choose 2, 3 or as many voices as you want for different occasions. Your voice should always support you, always be helpful, never aggressive and it never puts you down.

4. Forget other people’s standards
Other people have different values from you, and however hard you try, you’ll never please everyone all of the time.

5. Make the most of your appearance
Even if you’ve only got a minute or two, duck into the bathroom to make sure you’re looking your best. Brushing your hair, giving your face a good wash, retouching your makeup, straightening your collar, checking you’ve not got a bit of parsley stuck between your teeth … all of these can make the difference between feeling confident in your physical appearance and feeling anxious about an imagined flaw.

6. Pray or meditate briefly
This helps you to take a step back from your immediate situation, to see the wider picture and to seek help from something or someone greater than yourself.

7. Reframe
If something unexpected happens, it’s easy to let it knock your fledgling self-confidence. Perhaps you spill your drink on someone, you arrive late for the big meeting because of traffic problems, or someone who you wanted to speak to gives you a cold brush-off. Try to “reframe” the situation; put it in the best possible light: often, events are only negative because of the meaning we attach to them.

8. Find the next step
Keep your self-confidence up by taking gradual steps forwards, rather than freezing when faced with what seems like a giant leap. If you’re not sure what to do, look for one simple step that you can take to make progress. That might mean making eye contact at a party, introducing yourself to a stranger, breaking the ice in a meeting, or asking a question of your interviewers that shows your knowledge of their industry and company.
Start taking action even if you don’t have a clear idea of what needs to be done. Start moving towards your goal. Make corrections later.

9. Speak slowly
An easy tip for both seeming and being more self-confident is to speak slowly. If you gabble, you’ll end up feeling worse as you know you’re being unclear to your audience or to the person you’re in a conversation with. Speaking slowly gives you the chance to think about what you’re going to say next. If you’re giving a talk or presentation, pause at the end of phrases and sentences to help your audience take in what you’ve said.
A person in authority, with authority, speaks slowly. It shows confidence. A person who feels that he isn’t worth listening to will speak quickly, because he doesn’t want to keep others waiting on something not worthy of listening to.

10. Contribute something
Have you ever sat through an entire class at college or meeting at work without saying a word? Have you had an evening out where friends chatted happily while you sat and stared silently at your drink? Chances are, you weren’t feeling very self-confident at the time – and you probably felt even worse afterwards. Whatever the situation you’re in, make an effort to contribute. Even if you don’t think you have much to say, your thoughts and perspective are valuable to those around you.
By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you’ll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers.

Fireworks

Today was a beautiful day.

Today is the day that we went to collect mom's ashes. It's as if everything was planned perfectly. Only after we finished scattering the ashes into the sea, then only it rained. And coincidentally, they set up tents along gurney drive for some carnival with stalls... some celebration.....
how appropriate, my mom has always enjoyed such gaiety and festivities.

In the evening, Eng Hoe's family invited me to join them for dinner. Such a warm family.

Back to the tents along Gurney Drive, at night, one of the bands was playing one of my favourite Beyond songs, Zhen De Ai Ni (aka song for mother), the title meaning I Really Love You. And right after that, there was the most beautiful fireworks i've ever seen.

I'd like to take it as a sign, as if to remind me that the times that I had with my mom were beautiful like the fireworks too. And like the fireworks, it's beautiful while it lasts and all good things must come to an end. And like fireworks, it's a symbol for celebration for a wonderful show and a celebration for new beginnings.
Hahah I am sounding poetic like Thich Nhat Hanh :)

Robin Sharma: Morning Domination

http://www.newhustle.net/tag/robin-sharma/

My mornings usually go something like this (mentally): ‘Alarm? Need more sleep … oh yeah, it’s Monday … work … bills … so much to do today …. work … bills … [insert errands here] … coffee please?’

Most of us then proceed to go through our routine until we’re somewhat coherent enough to feel the weight of reality set in on our shoulders after our peaceful slumber.

From this point on, we’re either dreading the day before us or anticipating the day ahead … it’s all about perspective. Our minds are conditioned to view each day as a potential disaster, or a masterpiece to be created – it all depends on how well we’ve reigned in our ability to control our thoughts. To dominate our mornings, we have to be in control – or the day will dominate us.

What the experts say


But after a while I couldn’t ignore the high correlation between success and rising early, even in my own life. On those rare occasions where I did get up early, I noticed that my productivity was almost always higher, not just in the morning but all throughout the day. ~Steve Pavlina

Not everyone is an early riser, and in my attempts to do so I’ve been met with sub-par success so far – but I’m still trying. Nonetheless, I always try to make sure I get in a good workout before my workday – and if I don’t I still feel the drag of sleep long in to the morning.

Robin Sharma promotes the idea of giving ourselves a ‘holy-hour’ in the morning. Waking up an hour earlier than we’re accustomed to to devote time to the self – this makes sense, it’s just hard to get our bodies (and minds) accustomed to doing.

During my Holy Hour, I journal, I read inspirational books, I review my goals and plans and I simply make the time to think. Because clarity precedes mastery and the more clear you can get on what you want to create in life, the more focused you will be in your daily behaviors. Every day can be a platform to get you closer to your mountaintop. And yet, too many people live life by accident. ~Robin Sharma

I can attest to this, when I’m successful at doing so. The hard part is convincing myself while I lay in my comfortable bed that I would benefit from waking up at 5:00am. I used to get discouraged when I didn’t – but that just sets ourselves up for a discouraging day, which brings me to my next point.

What matters most
Whether a morning person or not, the most important thing to do when we first wake up is to start thinking positively. Difficult as it may be, it is possible. It’s all about our attitude towards the day ahead.

Simply put – would you rather own your day, or let your day own you? Would you rather let life have it’s way, or create the life you want to live? Or as Robin Sharma puts it – don’t live your life by accident.

At this realization things became more clear to me – if I want to get where I want to go I need to ensure that the start of my day is nothing more than extraordinary – even if I feel like I’m lying to myself to get to there.

My perfect morning (Monday through Friday)
Ideally, in the present, this is how my perfect morning would go:
5:00am: Up at the first alarm, eat something (snoozing is evil, what good is 5 extra minutes really?)
5:00-5:30: Cardio workout (the best way to awaken my senses is to work them)
5:30-6:30: ‘Holy-hour’ – day planning, reading, reflecting, etc.
6:30-7:00: Personal Training w/clients
7:00-7:30: Weight training for myself
8:00: Enter my 8-5 grind with the satisfaction of morning domination.

Of course it doesn’t go like this every day, but I’ll keep trying until it does. As stated previously, if you beat yourself up for not waking up or doing the things you wanted to do, you’re setting the tone for the rest of your day. As hard as you can, think positively – envision the great day ahead and be grateful that you’re still breathing – that you can still experience life to the fullest.

I’m a work in progress, we all are. Slowly but surely I’ll dominate each and every morning – setting myself up for content, productive and fulfilling days – and as each day goes on like this I’m one day closer to my ideal life:

Big idea: Your days are your life in miniature. As you live your days, so you craft your life. What you do today is actually creating your future. The words you speak, the thoughts you think, the food you eat and the actions you take are defining your destiny – shaping who you are becoming and what your life will stand for. There’s no such thing as an unimportant day. ~Robin Sharma

Stop Feeling Depressed

http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/stop-feeling-depressed/

Do any of these gloomy thoughts sound familiar? It’s likely they do. The occasional case of the blues is perfectly normal, but that doesn’t make dealing with it any easier. If you allow them to, negative thoughts can fester and lead to serious depression. That’s why it’s important to take action early to bust yourself out of a slump.

While these suggestions won’t eliminate your problems, they can help you break a negative thought pattern and stop feeling depressed. If you think you might have a serious mental health problem, don’t hesitate to see a medical professional.

1. Understand the emotional cycle – Life is an emotional roller coaster. Some days you feel like nothing can stop you. Other days you feel utterly hopeless. Most of the time you’re somewhere in between. Understanding the pattern of positive and negative emotions will help you put your feelings in perspective. Next time you feel down, just remember that it’s a natural emotion that will inevitably pass. Knowing that a feeling of depression is only temporary makes it less dreadful.

2. Spend time with positive people – Nothing affects the way you think and feel more than the people you interact with. Thoughts (both positive and negative) are contagious. If you are surrounded by negative people, it’s only natural that you’ll start to think and feel the same way. To improve your outlook on life, spend time with positive people. Search them out and try to understand the way they see the world. Chances are their happiness will rub off.

3. Reflect on past success – In the wake of a colossal failure, it’s easy to forget everything you’ve ever done right. Take a few minutes to remember your past accomplishments and build yourself up. What made you successful before? What are your strengths? Frequently, this exercise will build self confidence, help you figure out what went wrong, and generate ideas for success in the future.

4. Focus on gratitude – It’s human nature to measure ourselves against those ahead of us on the social ladder. Studies have shown that people care more about being richer than their friends than actually making more money. When you consider everything good in your life and compare it to the problems of less fortunate people, the issue that’s making you depressed won’t seem as serious.

5. Change of scenery – One of the best ways to change the way you feel is to change your environment. When you get in a slump, you start to associate your problems with everything around you. It can get to the point where your environment is a constant reminder of your problems. This can be a dangerous cycle. The solution is to change things. Change doesn’t have to be radical. Cleaning up, adding more lights, or including pleasant decorations can completely change the mood of a room.

6. Break your routine - Going through the same routine, day after day, can be monotonous and depressing. It often leads to getting caught in a rut. To get out of it you need to temporarily change your routine. If you can, take a day off from work. Do something you don’t normally have time for or something you’ve never tried. In the long run, taking a day off every now and then to get out of slump will make you happier and more productive.

7. Interact with animals and nature – It’s funny when you consider how humans put so much importance on their own tiny problems. Animals don’t think this way. A little bird doesn’t mope around because it isn’t an eagle or because another bird beat it to a tasty seed. Animals live in the present moment and they show love unconditionally. Observing and interacting with them will help you get over your problems.

8. Get moving – As Johnny Cash famously suggested, “Get a rhythm, when you get the blues.” Moving to a beat makes everyone feel better. The same is true for movement in general. Hitting the gym or going for a walk will help you shed the lethargy that comes with feeling depressed. The more enthusiastic your moments, the better you will start to feel.

9. Think about the big picture – As Carl Sagan made evident with the Pale Blue Dot, we’re insignificant creatures living in a vast universe on a tiny planet. In the long run, everything we do will probably be forgotten. Some might find this depressing, but it shouldn’t be. It means that all our problems are illusory. In a million years no one will remember what you did or didn’t do. What matters is the present moment and enjoying every second of life that we’re blessed with.

10. Do something to help yourself – Above all, the best way to stop feeling depressed is to take action. What is your biggest problem? How can you alleviate it? Once you decide to stop moping and start moving forward you won’t have time to feel depressed. Action will occupy your mind and give you something to look forward to. Once you get some results, you’ll build momentum and positive thinking will keep getting easier.

Be Wise, Early Rise

I gave the keynote address for the leadership team of the telephone banking division of CIBC yesterday. Impressive team. CIBC is one of Canada's leading banks and the audience was full of energy, passion and intelligence. I shared my ideas on building a high-performance culture, developing deeper relationships and showing genuine leadership. Then I offered some insights on personal leadership – beginning with the imperative of getting up early if one wants to get to world-class as a human being. The room fell silent. Thought I lost them.

After my presentation, I had the joy of signing copies of “Leadership Wisdom from The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari” that CIBC had purchased for each participant. Amazing how many people asked me what they needed to do to build the early rising habit. “I want to get a lot more from life” one manager said. “I loved your point about taking a Holy Hour each morning – 60 minutes to feed your mind and nourish my soul,” said another.

It's so easy to forget that you cannot do good until you feel good. Organizational leadership begins with self-leadership. Getting up early to do your inner work, to sculpt your character, to sharpen your life's philosophy or to review your goals is not a waste of time. That Holy Hour infuses every remaining minute of your day with a perspective that elevates each area of your life. It'll transform you. Make you better as a leader. As a parent. As a human being.

Here are 5 practical tactics to help you get up early (5am is nice):

#1. Don't eat after 7pm. You will sleep more deeply as well as more sweetly. It's the quality not the quantity of sleep that's most important.

#2. Don't lounge in bed after your alarm clock goes off. Jump out of bed and start your day. The more time you lie in bed after the alarm clock goes off, the greater the likelihood that the chatter of your mind will say something like “stay in bed. Sleep a bit more. You deserve it.”

#3. Get into world-class physical condition. When I am in excellent physical shape – working out 5 to 6 times a week and eating ultra-well, I jump out of bed at 5am or even 4am with ease. Being superbly fit is a brilliant move.

#4. Set BHAGs. Jim Collins coined the term “BHAGs”, meaning Big Hairy Audacious Goals. Goals breathe life and energy into your days. Goals inspire you and give you something to get out of bed for each morning. Taking out your journal and articulating 10, 5, 3 and 1 year goals for the core dimensions of your life will focus your mind and drive tremendous results. It will light a fire in your belly and flood you with passion.

#5. Set your alarm clock 30 minutes early. I shared this point at a recent The Awakening Best Self Weekend where people had come from all around the world to learn how to break through their fears and live their greatest lives. I just got an email from one participant from Spain. This little trick has changed her life. She thinks she's getting up at 6am. By the time she's up and out of bed, she realizes it's only 5:30am. She uses the newfound time to meditate or read or exercise. Her business is more successful than ever. Her family life is at its best. And she's happier than she's been in years.

Get up early. I dare you to do it for a few weeks. Your life is too precious a thing to waste. You know you were meant for your own unique form of greatness. You know you can do more, have more and be more. You know that you can be bigger than you currently are. So join The 5 O'Clock Club. Win The Battle of The Bed. Put mind over mattress. Get up early. And as Benjamin Franklin once noted: “there will be plenty of time to sleep when you are dead.” Smart guy.

It's Not All Your Fault: Taking Fair Responsibility

By Ali Hale

http://www.thechangeblog.com/its-not-your-fault/

Do you blame yourself for other people’s problems? Are you constantly apologizing for things which aren’t your fault, or your responsibility?

Some of us have a tendency to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. We worry about our partners, our friends and our children, trying to do everything in our power to ensure that they’re happy.

When something goes awry for someone close to us, we blame ourselves:

A colleague forgets a deadline, and we think I should have reminded him!
Our partner is stressed by her tax return, struggling (like every year) to get her figures together, and we think I should have done it for her!
A child is upset by an argument in the playground, and we think I should have chosen a different school!
The list can go on, and on, and on. There are all sorts of ways in which we’re great at blaming ourselves for situations which were outside our control and which weren’t our responsibility in the first place.


You Can’t Make People Happy
Before going any further, it’s crucial to remember that we can’t make other people happy. Some people will reject our efforts, spurn our help and turn their backs on our friendship. There’s no point wasting energy thinking I should have tried harder. Although we can often help to cheer people up, and support them with our friendship, we cannot take responsibility for their happiness.

We can’t make them change, either. As Mark explained in Five Myths About Change:

Other people cannot be forced to change under any circumstances.
To try to change another person by force is a waste of time and energy.
A wise man once observed that you shouldn’t try to teach a pig how to sing: it doesn’t get you anywhere and it annoys the pig.

De-centering Yourself
I’m going to be a little bold in writing this section, because I know that I suffer from this problem myself. When we try to take on responsibility for everyone else’s happiness and success, there is a strong element of egotism here.

I know it may feel like it should be the opposite – after all, we’re concerned with other people, not with ourselves – but the truth is, trying to take too much responsibility is a way of putting ourselves at the center of everything.

If you feel that it’s your job to make sure that your friends are happy, you’re trying to frame yourself as the most important factor in their lives.

If you blame yourself whenever your spouse forgets a birthday or loses his keys, your mental model of the world has you as the “responsible adult” and them as the “irresponsible child”.

To end the guilt-tripping, you need to start de-centering yourself. Of course you’re important, loved and special – but you are not the source of all your partner, friend or kids’ happiness.

Letting Others Take Responsibility
If you really want the best for your loved ones, you’ll let them take responsibility for themselves. Not just because that ends your self-recriminations (“Oh, I’m so sorry, if only I’d thought to check that you really had posted that letter when you’d said you were going to…) but also because it lets them grow up.

I’m sure you’ve come across kids whose parents did every little thing for them – and who struggled when they left home. Although it might feel like an expression of your love to be your kids’ personal taxi service, to do their chores for them, and even to complete their homework for them … it’s not helping them to learn anything.

Similarly, if you’re constantly chasing around after your colleagues, tidying up mistakes or loose ends so that they don’t get into trouble, are you really doing them a favour in the long term?

There’s a difference between taking on someone else’s duties to help out during a brief busy period (which is a perfectly valid and loving act), and trying to solve all their problems for them. The latter is likely to build up your resentment at the same time as preventing them from ever growing or taking responsibility for their own lives.

It can be particularly hard if you know that a loved one is unhappy. Perhaps your friend is awful with money, and it’s really difficult for you to see her stressed out about her overdraft and credit card payments. You might be tempted to blame yourself – to think I should have stopped her buying that. You may even want to help out by loaning money. But is that really going to help her in the long term?

Of course, there’ll always be times when, out of love, we’ll do something kind and unexpected for a friend or relative. That’s a great thing. But if you’re taking on the responsibility for the smooth-running of someone else’s life, or if you’re blaming yourself for problems which someone else should be facing, then it’s gone too far.

Whose problems are you taking an unfair share of responsibility for? How can you ditch the guilt and allow them – and you – to move on?

Creative Flow

Have you ever had a creative evening when time suddenly flew by? A day when you executed a difficult project at work flawlessly? A brief moment in time when your challenging exercise routine felt effortless?

All of these times you were in a state of flow.

Flow is a concept developed by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi of the University of Chicago, who has studied the phenomena his whole career. Daniel Pink reintroduces the concept in his new book Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us.

Many people flow through their lives in an effortless fashion, while countless others have a difficult time achieving a flow state.

Why flow is hard to achieve
Flow is a moment in time when you’re both challenged at the activity that you’re doing, and when you also have complete autonomy in the task you’re conducting.

We engage in flow under your own volition, with a skill which we’ve had some amount of experience.

If you’re not flowing, it’s probably because you aren’t allowing yourself to be challenged, you’re completely overwhelmed, or someone else is holding you back.


The majority of my experience with flow has been with dance and writing. I’ve studied dance for many years, and one of the technical skills that dancers work on is called improvisation. Improv is very tricky in dance. You have to turn off your mind and simply dance with your instincts.

When you’ve mastered improv dance, you’ve reached the sweet spot between your brain transferring commands to your nervous system. There is no longer any thinking involved, as thinking in improv dance will make everything stop. There just isn’t any time for brainwork when you are constantly moving.

Csikszentmihalyi hypothesizes that these moments of flow occur because we’re simply activating too many neurological functions. Because of this we no longer have capacity to be aware of what functions we’re engaging in. So the ‘conscious of me’ part of the mind switches off, your awareness of yourself slips away, and you just do.

You’re simply flowing in the the present moment
I have also experienced flow in writing. I think it’s very important for writers to engage in flow. A lot of writers stop and meticulously edit their work after every sentence, but writing this way (for most people) is counterproductive.

Why? I believe it’s because of the same reason that dancers can’t stop dancing in improvisation. If you just keep writing for 30 minutes without stopping, you give your mind a chance to turn off the ‘conscious of me’ brain functions. This in turn grants more brain power to challenging the boundaries of your writing ability.

You cannot edit while you’re producing work. If you do, you’ll be constantly switching between your right brain and your left brain. Your creative center will be switching off and on and it will be harder to produce anything meaningful.

A classic example of real world flow
Ray Bradbury was a freelance writer who was trying to support his family. However, he was working at home with his cute little children. This proved to be incredibly distracting, so he had to find somewhere else to write. So, he headed over to UCLA’s Lawrence Clark Powell Library.

In the basement of the library there was a number of typewriters that gave 30 minutes of writing time for a dime.

Ray was very poor at the time, and needed all the money he could to support his family. Whenever he popped in the dime, he wanted to get his month’s worth. This forced him to write at a frantic pace until his time was up. The most frustrating element of writing the novel was when the typewriter keys tangled, because it meant that he was wasting valuable time.

In between these 30 minute typewriter banging sessions, he would wander the halls of the library studying books and contemplating what he would write for the next 30 minutes.

The novel Ray finished was classic sci-fi novel Fahrenheit 451. He created this novel in record amount of time, and recalled feeling as if the flow of time had accelerated. The novel wrote itself, effortlessly.

Think about how important it is to flow
I really believe many people miss this aspect of engaging in their work. If you aren’t flowing, you’re not reaching the peak of your ability. There is so much untapped hidden potential in flow, just waiting to be retrieved.

People who have learned flow are challenging themselves and creating work at their best.

We no longer have dime typewriters at the library, but there are a number of ways to practice flow without them.

9 simple ways you can bring yourself into flow

1. Pick a enjoyable, challenging activity. The easiest way to enter flow is by doing something you love. The activity also needs to challenge you, one you are extremely passionate about, that you enjoy doing, and that causes you to grow. If the activity is boring to tedious you won’t enjoy it, and so there is no way you can engage in flow.
2. Eliminate distractions. Turn off your phone, log out of twitter, switch off gmail. If you’re constantly flipping back and forth between different tasks you’ll never be able to achieve flow. A foreign distraction will quickly bring you out of the flow mindset.
3. Think before you do. Do any research or preparation before you engage in the activity you wish to flow in. If you stop and do research while writing, or have to grab a bite to eat in the middle of a run, you’ll throw yourself out of the grove. Preparation is the only way to avoid that.
4. Isolate yourself. The best way to achieve flow is alone. If you’re in a room full of people, your mind will constantly be drawn away from what you’re doing. Shut the door, put on headphones, or find another way to isolate yourself.
5. Let go. Give up any expectations that you have for yourself. If you enter a flow situation with preconceptions about the results that you’ll get from the practice, you’ll inevitably disappoint yourself. You also run the risk of narrowing your focus to a point where you can’t change course naturally if your flow takes you down a road less traveled.
6. Give yourself a time limit. Like Bradbury, set a timer on your activity. Give yourself 30 minutes of uninterrupted flow time and just go at it with everything you’ve got. Forget about how much time you’ve been doing the activity, and how much time you have left, just flow. You may just find that you lose track of time completely.
7. Keep moving. Continuous motion is key to flow, don’t give your mind a chance to start second guessing what you’re doing. Keep moving with the activity you’re flowing in. Go at a pace that’s challenging for you, but not overwhelming. You want to be calm and collected, but also have forward momentum.
8. Don’t think. Switch off the part of your brain that observes what you’re doing. This is your self-consciousness, your ego, your sabotage. Why flow is so important is that it circumvents the necessity to constantly critique yourself. This can be hard, if you’re used to constantly second-guessing everything you do, but it is so important to successfully entering flow.
9. Practice. Like any useful skill, flow takes time to master. Don’t stress if you can’t do it right away. If you’re interested in achieving a state of flow, you need to practice regularly. Set a time every day that will be dedicated flow time. Eventually you’ll start to recognize when you’re flowing, and when you’re not. After many hours of practice, you’ll eventually become a flow master.
   
   Everett Bogue is the author of The Art of Being Minimalist, and writes about living a simple minimalist life at Far Beyond The Stars.
   

Zen Habits 2

Completion Principles

Creative Flow

Ace Exams Without Studying

http://zenhabits.net/2010/03/reclaim-your-attention/

http://zenhabits.net/2008/08/lifes-enough-stop-comparing-yourself-to-others/

http://zenhabits.net/2007/09/how-to-accept-criticism-with-grace-and-appreciation/

10 Ways To Deal With The Non-Simplifying Others In Your Life

The Ultimate Minimalist: Five Powerful Lessons from Gandhi

Elements of Living Lightly

Sewing

http://www.startsewing.co.uk/HowToSewADart.html

http://www.ehow.com/how_5719_cut-mark-pattern.html

http://www.wikihow.com/Sew-Using-Patterns

Books read in 2010

After a dismal performance in 2009, I am attempting to improve in 2010, even if it means buying books! (hehe good reason for retail therapy!)

1. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)

Zen Habits

Zen Mind: How To Declutter

Are Your Days Crazy? Take Control

The Slow Secret: How To Make Lasting Changes In Your Life

>Your life, simplified

Simplicity: How to avoid feature creep in your life

How to defeat burnout and stay motivated

The Only Way To Become Amazingly Great At Something

How To Focus On What Truly Matters

Little Rules of Action

How To Stop Being a Workaholic

The Single Secret To Making 2009 Your Best Year Ever

20 Questions on Motivaation/Habits

ZenHabits Perfect Books
How Not To Hurry

Zen Habits Classic Posts

My music studio

• sofa bed?
• mirror
• CD rack
• bookshelves (what kind?)
• music posters
• CD player
• recording
• laptop
• bulletin board/corkboard on door

Mantras for the New Year

Dzireena Mahadzir
starmag-feedback@thestar.com.my
I CAN’T believe it’s the end of another year. This is the time to reflect on the year gone by and on what goals you met (or didn’t), the drama that kept you entertained, the shopping done ... you get the picture.
It’s also the time for New Year’s resolutions. I’m really bad at this – half the time, I never keep them, and most of the time, I can’t remember what they were!
This time however, it’s going to be put in writing right here. So let’s look at the possible things we might want to consider doing next year.
1) Get rid of all the clutter
In the spirit of economising and cutting back, maybe it’s time to start thinking of the things and people you don’t need, the ones who clutter your life and don’t bring any benefit to you. Remember – “in order for new things and people to come into your life, you need to get rid of old things”.
Let’s start with things. Clear out everything you don’t need. I keep saying this, but I have yet to do it.
The trick, I believe, is knowing what is worth keeping and what needs to be thrown out. Despite being just objects, sometimes there could be some form of attachment to them. They could be connected to a favourite memory or time in your life, and you’re just not ready to let that go, so you end up keeping a storehouse of memories, when you should really get rid of them.
It’s much harder when it comes to people. Who do you want to keep in your life and who should you let go? People come into your life for a reason, When their time is up, they go. Or if they’re fated to remain longer, they stay. Is it that simple? Can you put people and things in the same box and ruthlessly discard the ones you no longer have any use for or ever want to see again?
I think what I want to do is discard, quite ruthlessly, anyone that falls in the category of toxic friends, emotional vampires and frenemies. These are not people you want to keep in your life.
It’s all very well to make new friends, but when they have no other function but to annoy the hell out of you, they have no further right to be in your life.
I always think of this quote from Plato when it comes to people: “People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die.”
As for material objects, well, replacing the heel of a shoe, a stained dress or last season’s handbag is certainly much easier than replacing a friend, but in the long run, which will give you a bigger headache? Which brings me to number two.
2) Next year should be about You
When I say that, I don’t mean being self-absorbed or selfish. I just mean, take a little time for you. Concentrate on you. Whether it’s self-improvement, your health or just taking time out, do it now. And while you’re at it, you need to remember the next resolution....
3) Learning to say ‘No’
And mean it. Say no when you really don’t want to do something. No one should have the right to force you to do anything. This is a little bit hard when it comes to family and editors, but since the former will kill you emotionally, and the latter can cut you off financially, they should be the only exceptions. And that brings us to the final resolution.
4) Small things bother small minds
That’s right. When channelling positive energy and willing the laws of the universe to respond to you (Hah! Now I sound quite mad), you need to always think positive. There is nothing that you cannot do, nothing that is impossible or unattainable.
And everything always has a solution. Always. So, don’t bother with the people who moved your shoes or handbag. It is not worth it. Focus on the things and people that matter, and you’ll be happier and less stressed. Remember: “Act as if you have already achieved your goal and it is yours.”
There you go. Now I’ve just got to remember to apply all this next year. Have a happy, fabulous and stylish New Year!
Fashion lover and bag mad Dzireena Mahadzir lives by two rules: never pay retail and never explain. If you’d like to bring up a fashionable issue or ask some stylish questions, send an SoS to her e-mail address above